About Me - Part 14
By my 15th Birthday I had completely adapted to my life at the group home. The girls I lived with became my sisters and the staff more like family than strangers that worked with me. My key worker, Marion was like the Aunt I never had. I was able to talk to her more than I had ever talked to another woman in my life before. She helped me with many things and I thought it was important to mention how great I thought and still think this woman was. I thank her for being there and helping me on my journey.
Life wasn't always sunshine and rainbows at the home but it was more like a normal home than the house I had come from. I never had to worry about people being angry and losing their temper with me. I never had to worry about being hit or yelling at me. Yes, there were fights but more like the way sisters fight. I loved all the girls that lived in the group home. Some stick out in my head more than others but they all have a special place in my heart.
My father became very involved in my life. Taking me to ball games with him. Going out for coffee. Driving me to school dances and to my boyfriend Dwayne's house. He has always had a problem showing love but never once missed an opportunity to tell me he loved me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I finally had the dad I always wanted.
Within that year, I built a good relationship with my father, ruined the relationship I had with Dwayne who ended up calling me fat and dating my friend Rhonda, started my first job slinging coffee at Tim Horton's, and grew up a little to fast for any 15 year old girl.
Before Dwayne and I broke up I tried to get pregnant. My rationalization was that if I had a baby, that the baby would love me unconditionally. Messed up? Yes it was. But I was so desperate for that kind of love I didn't think about things such as how I would finish school or how I would provide for a baby. I could only think of the good things that come along with having a child. It was probably best that Dwayne and I broke up when we did. I would have managed to ruin both our young lives. Dwayne broke my heart but not because we broke up, after all I ended it with him trying to manipulate a situation. It was because he was mean to me once we were no longer a couple. He dated my friend and then isolated me, calling me fat and never once said nice things about me once we broke up. I don't think he ever realized how much or how deeply I loved him. I never thought or talked badly about him. I secretly wished for many years afterwords that we would get back together. Even on my wedding day to my first husband I remember day-dreaming about him showing up at the church and proclaiming his undying love for me. Of course it never happened. He moved on as did I. I only hope that he found all the happiness he deserved.
The summer came and with it my new job and my big move back to my mother's house. Sometime during the month of July my mother decided that she wanted her "family" back together. Once again God has moved her to want to be a mother and Scott, my step father, wanted to try being a father again. Not that either of them had really ever succeeded at it. I was given the choose by Fawna, my social worker. I could move home or stay in the system. I made a bad chose. I moved back home.
To be continued . . .
Life wasn't always sunshine and rainbows at the home but it was more like a normal home than the house I had come from. I never had to worry about people being angry and losing their temper with me. I never had to worry about being hit or yelling at me. Yes, there were fights but more like the way sisters fight. I loved all the girls that lived in the group home. Some stick out in my head more than others but they all have a special place in my heart.
My father became very involved in my life. Taking me to ball games with him. Going out for coffee. Driving me to school dances and to my boyfriend Dwayne's house. He has always had a problem showing love but never once missed an opportunity to tell me he loved me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I finally had the dad I always wanted.
Within that year, I built a good relationship with my father, ruined the relationship I had with Dwayne who ended up calling me fat and dating my friend Rhonda, started my first job slinging coffee at Tim Horton's, and grew up a little to fast for any 15 year old girl.
Before Dwayne and I broke up I tried to get pregnant. My rationalization was that if I had a baby, that the baby would love me unconditionally. Messed up? Yes it was. But I was so desperate for that kind of love I didn't think about things such as how I would finish school or how I would provide for a baby. I could only think of the good things that come along with having a child. It was probably best that Dwayne and I broke up when we did. I would have managed to ruin both our young lives. Dwayne broke my heart but not because we broke up, after all I ended it with him trying to manipulate a situation. It was because he was mean to me once we were no longer a couple. He dated my friend and then isolated me, calling me fat and never once said nice things about me once we broke up. I don't think he ever realized how much or how deeply I loved him. I never thought or talked badly about him. I secretly wished for many years afterwords that we would get back together. Even on my wedding day to my first husband I remember day-dreaming about him showing up at the church and proclaiming his undying love for me. Of course it never happened. He moved on as did I. I only hope that he found all the happiness he deserved.
The summer came and with it my new job and my big move back to my mother's house. Sometime during the month of July my mother decided that she wanted her "family" back together. Once again God has moved her to want to be a mother and Scott, my step father, wanted to try being a father again. Not that either of them had really ever succeeded at it. I was given the choose by Fawna, my social worker. I could move home or stay in the system. I made a bad chose. I moved back home.
To be continued . . .
Do you still talk to this Dwayne guy?
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I don't actually talk to Dwayne and haven't since since we broke up almost 20 years ago. I've seen him a couple times, said hi and even have him on my facebook but we haven't actually talked nor discussed anything that ever happened back then. I have always wished him the very best though.
Him and I never worked out and some mean things were said but he really was and probably still is a very nice person. We've both moved on. No matter what though he'll always that "First Love" place in my heart.
Amanda =)
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